Friday, April 10, 2009


Jack gave his mom a nice back-rub this morning.

With his butt.


I'm not sure if Jack was talking to himself, to me, or to the entire world when he hollered from his perch on the toilet:

"I've got a





Isaac is in his Superman jammies this morning and referring to himself in the third person:

"Daddy, would you get a flashlight for Superman?"


Isaac's new thing:

Breakfast by candle-light



Jack (this morning, following what we thought was an oh-so-slick "grown-up conversation):

"Hey, what are you guys talking about? Hey!!! What does S-E-X spell?"


I got a sunburn on my head today.

Isaac says it's because I'm "a little bit too tall".


Isaac made quite a splash at rush hour today, delivering a full-voiced monologue to his reflection in the subway window. My favorite highlight:

"This is MY TRAIN! Because I just can't take another car ride. I just can't."


Dad: Jack, do you know who did this?

Jack: I did it.

Dad: On accident or on purpose?

Jack: Umm.... uh... I think on accident.


So, Isaac isn't crazy about going to bed. He always has some last-minute emergency and/or tragedy just before I leave the room:

"I have a boo-boo!"

"I have to poop!"

"I'm firsty!!!"

I had to give him extra points last night for drama and creativity. I had read books, tucked in and given cuddles. Just as I'm leaving the room I hear Isaac pipe up:

"I don't have any legs!!"


Today is St. Pat's, so in celebration of this solemn day, I crack a beer at about 4 in the afternoon. Isaac eyes the frosty beverage, and pipes up in his adorable 2-year-old voice, "Daddy, I want some of that juice!"

Me: Oh, it's not juice, Ike, it's beer.

Isaac: I want sooooooooooooooooome!

Me: OK, Isaac, just a little sip. (It is, St. Paddy's, after all, and I'm figuring he'll gag on it like he did on my coffee a few months prior)

Isaac: (Takes sip.........eyes light beams)

Daddy, I call that "Isaac Juice".


Tonight, Jack referred to himself as a "four year old stuntman".


OK, this happened a few months ago and I keep forgetting about it...
So we have a big double stroller for long trips or inclement weather. It has a big plastic bubble that goes over it and two big seats for the boys. The thing is, when the cover is down, you can't hear what the boys are saying, so if they need to tell you something (and they usually do), you have to stop, put the brakes on the thing, walk around to the front of it, pull the plastic up, and stick your head inside.

One day I'm taking the boys home, and it's windy, rainy, and generally shitty outside. All I want to do is get home, and I've got about a 20 minute walk. I tell the boys that if they have something to say, they have to wait until they get home. I remind them of this whenever they pipe up, which is every 3 minutes or so. Finally, they get the picture, and I'm chugging home as fast as I can. All of a sudden Jack starts yelling. I mean HOLLERING. "Daddy!!! Daddy!!! Daddy!!!!!!!!!" Something is wrong. Isaac must be biting his ear off or something. I stop, put on the brakes, tear around to the front of the stroller, rip up the plastic, stick my head inside. Isaac is chill, neither boy is bleeding or visibly injured.

"Jack!! What is it, man? What's wrong??"


"Yes, Jack!! What??"

"J rhymes with K!!!!"


Isaac sees a poster at his mom's school, it has a picture of a girl, about seven, with full braces and a big smile.

Isaac: Daddy, what's that girl have in that picture?

Me: What do you mean, Isaac?

Isaac: Whats on her teef?

Me: Oh, those are called braces. They make your teeth straighter.

Isaac. No, they're not braces.

They're grillz.


Isaac has invited all the crayfish at the zoo to "come over to his house".


Me: (grumbling about a neighbor who doesn't shovel their sidewalk) "Wow, guys, I guess we should buy these people a snow shovel"

Jack: "Why?" (you saw that one coming, right?)

Me: Well, they don't shovel their sidewalk, so maybe they don't have one.

Jack: I think maybe it's because just a man lives there.

Me: Why would that matter?

Jack: Maybe he doesn't have a girlfriend.

Me: Why would having a girlfriend mean he would have a shovel? (The "why" tables have turned, I'm enjoying this immensely)

Jack: Well...If he had a girlfriend, they could have a baby, and when the baby got bigger like Vera (our 2 year old neighbor) she wouldn't be able to walk on the snow, and THEN...he would get a shovel.


I awoke this morning to find Isaac cleaning the hallway mirror.

With my toothbrush.


Isaac's favorite bedtime ruse:

"Daddy, I don't want to go to bed. I'm tooooooooooooo tired."


Jack seems to have grasped a fundamental truth about keeping a 4 year old in clothing. The other day as he was putting on his shoes (I think we bought them three months ago) and he said offhandedly,

"These shoes are going to be too small for me next week."


Valentine's Day Hallmark moment:

Jack improvises a love song,

"Your naaaaaaame is jooooooohnny. Your wiiiiiife is Webeeeeecca. She is the sweeeeetest wife..."

The not-so-hallmark-y detail is that this was being performed as I was wiping his butt. We take our romance where we can get it.


Jack says:

"Mommy, I like your belt! It makes you look prettier than you really are!"


Jack says he wants to be a scientist when he grows up.

Isaac wants to be a robot.


So its our neighbor Vera's 2nd birthday today. This morning Rebecca said,

"Hey boys, we should go tell Vera happy birthday."

We were all in the middle of things, so we didn't notice that Isaac heard the suggestion and took it upon himself to walk out of the apartment, walk across the hall, and let himself into Vera's apartment to wish her happy birthday.

In his birthday suit, appropriately enough.


Jack came up to me yesterday with a stick that had been broken, and asked me to fix it. I told him I didn't think I could, and he looked at me with something akin to pity and said,

"Daddy, you can *always* fix it with duct tape."


So, Isaac (age 2 ) is potty-training - although I hate to use the word "training" in reference to a child, I can't think of anything else to call it...potty practice?

Anyway, this morning I told him he had to pee before we put his clothes on to go outside. He (prudently) remembers to pull down his sponge-bob underpants before peeing. The thing is, he pulls them down in the family room, and then runs - top speed - to the bathroom,

with his undies around his ankles.


Isaac flat-out refused to go the the park today without his electric guitar.


Isaac looked at me this morning and said:


You're a sweetydaddy."


Jack has adopted a broken part of an umbrella.

Its name is now "Goopsie".